10. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped,
"Dream on, Chester!"
9. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes
8. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for
shipping and handling
7. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left
are Styrofoam peanuts
6. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer
head in his bed.
5. Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa has him on the
dork list
4. Sends him off on one of them Carnival Cruises with
Kathie Lee
3. First words when kid gets on his lap are,
"Touch my beard and I'll put the hurt on you."
2. Labels on all your kid's toys read "Straight from
Craptown."
1. Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"
__________________________________
ANGEL ON THE CHRISTMAS TREE
Not long ago and not far away Santa was getting ready
for his annual trip...but there were problems every
where... four of the elves got sick, and the trainee
elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular
ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of
being behind schedule....then Mrs. Claus told Santa
that her mom was coming to visit...
This stressed Santa even more...when he went to harness
the reindeer he found that three of them were about to
give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out
heaven knows where...more stress.
And then, when he began to load the sleigh one of the
boards on the sleigh cracked and the toy bag fell to
the ground and scattered all the toys...so, frustrated
Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a
shot of whiskey...but he found that the elves had hit
the liquor cupboard and there was nothing there to
drink...and in his frustration he dropped the coffee
pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all
over the kitchen floor... he went to get the broom and
found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way
to the door ..he opened the door and there was a little
angel with a great big Christmas tree. And the angel
said: Santa, where would you like to put this Christmas
tree??
And that, my friend, is how the little angel came to be
on top of the Christmas tree...
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